From the desk of Esu The Illest
The Odyssey of Esu is a story about redefining what it meant to be me in this existence. All my life, I’d been told what I am or what’s expected of me, yet no one was able to tell me who I was. “Who are we? Why are we here?” In this process of self-discovery, I had to forgive myself for repressing the shadow self, a part of my psyche that I’ve rejected and pushed away, only to be prolonging my own spiritual growth. When I was isolated in Greeley, Co, from everything I’ve known, I questioned EVERYTHING that was in my existence. I questioned my relationship with family, friends and my relationship with God or my higher self. I cried, I struggled, I suffered with myself while unknowingly being my own enemy was the cause of my inner turmoil.
At my lowest point in my search for answers about my Identity, I opened my eyes to darker parts of Self, to meet in the middle with the light, as to reconcile peace within my being. I was looking to utilize these darker parts of self for its strengths and weaknesses, but there was also an entity looking back to take advantage of the light I possessed. Opening myself to the cosmos for answers allowed there to be a creative space for Esu to live in, to coincide within these shadowy parts that I, as well as mankind, have shunned and repressed these urges and drives that are a part of ourselves that we killing instead of controlling. Mankind is not fit to be “pure”; being honest is a moral that has both an innocence and nasty ungodly truth hidden within for those who see it. The very fabric of our existence is divided into two parts with various degrees in between that makes perception infinite. Light and dark, night and day, love and hate, life and death. Positive and negative, God and the Devil.
"They say isolation brings us closer to God. Good Golly! Guess I'm godly, huh?"
I recall kneeling on the kitchen floor. I could no longer replay these scenes where I allowed myself to be mistreated. I couldn’t keep seeing my dad laid out in his bed in the nursing home where he laid stroked out, waiting for death. I hated me. I hated me for letting people use my light and waste my spiritual investments. I sat and comforted myself from a perspective from the inside. I finally understood what loving yourself really means. I had to let go and start my own narrative instead of what I’ve been given. I researched my soul and looked for the answers in the world as the universe within my mental; The answers were always there.
In Due Time
I came to my own conclusion as to my purpose. My last name was given to me either as a slave name or as a name of a slave turned free, in either case, the Boyd name is one I can no longer Identify myself with, there are too many questions that can’t be addressed, my grandparents are dead and my dad is no longer in his right mind. My mother has remarried, and keep in contact with only my immediate family and even they have characteristics that differ from my own.
Christianity wasn’t bringing clarity to my eyes. A meeting I had with MC Supernatural introduced me to Yoruba, African Mythology. He gave me the word Eshu and from there is where Esu derives as a physical modernization of the messenger between the gods and humans, the mediator of the crossroads. I wanted to master my own perception; that would be the basis of my “religion” any knowledge obtained to improve my perception of self is common practice. In my journey, I’ve concluded that you are both the God you revere and the Devil you fear. I take this information collected thru experiences and literature and reform these thoughts into my hip hop.
This Odyssey is about transformation: letting the old self with its old ways of thinking die, as I pursue on an endless journey to becoming my highest potential. Backed by Jungian psychology and alchemic culture, converting lead into gold, going from one end of the pole to the other, going from Light to dark, This journey is the first step in documenting the conflicts surrounding my inner-most being.